Support and Programming Following an Unexpected Loss

Dear students,

The death of a member of our community understandably affects us all in a variety of ways. At this difficult time, we encourage you to reach out to Counseling Services for help. We have some additional programming for support:

• Single session counseling appointments can be scheduled by calling 413-585-2840, stopping by the Schacht Center, or sending an email to counselingservices@smith.edu and include the times you are available (this way may take longer).
• In person drop-in groups will be held on the 2nd floor of Schacht each weekday at noon until the end of the semester.
• Because any kind of loss can bring up feelings related to all kinds of death, a Support Space for students who have survived a suicide attempt meet each Friday at 12:15 p.m. in person. Please email counselingservices@smith.edu to register.
• Even when Health Services is closed, you can call 413-585-2840 any time to be connected to a licensed therapist. Call if you feel in crisis or just need to talk to someone.

We continue to hold regularly scheduled group and individual sessions.

Please see the information on grief below, written with you in mind.

You are not alone, we are here for you!

Common Reactions and Strategies That Help After an Unexpected Loss
 

Reactions to Loss

• Responses to loss vary from person to person. There’s no single, standard or “right” way to react.
• Even individuals who have had no personal contact or connection to the person or event may likely exhibit reactions.

Common reactions include:

• Experiencing shock and disbelief
• Feeling a sense of helplessness, the feeling of loss or control over your life
• Having difficulty concentrating and focusing on schoolwork
• Mourning the loss of another human being within their community
• Feeling the need to talk about the tragedy with good friends
• Feeling depressed and questioning how this could happen
• Experiencing feelings of anger

Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is important to prevent further problems and stress. The following have been found to be helpful in coping with traumatic grief:

• Most important, spend time with friends or family. Social support, more than any other factor, will help prevent you from feeling overwhelmed, depressed and/or anxious.
• Maintain a regular daily routine by setting times for waking, meals and going to bed.
• Eat a balanced diet and drink plenty of water, even if your appetite has diminished significantly.
• Avoid too much caffeine, as it will interrupt your sleep.
• If you’re having trouble sleeping, develop a relaxing pre-sleep routine. Consider using the college’s subscription to the Calm App. Wind down with a book, crossword puzzle or quiet music before bed rather than watching a screen.
• Enjoy outdoor activities, such as going for a walk, or playing catch with a friend. These will take you away from the stress and refresh you mentally.
• Exercise to counteract depression and make you feel good physically and mentally. The exercise does not need to be strenuous. If you have doubts about your fitness, consult your doctor.
• Try different relaxation techniques such as meditation, massage, listening to music, visualization or yoga.
• Engage in something creative like writing, drawing, playing an instrument, dancing, and so on.
• Avoid seeking relief through alcohol, smoking, medication and other drugs.
• Maybe spend 15 to 30 minutes alone every day to reflect on your emotions and thoughts. Turning off your phone ensures that you won't be disturbed.
• Try keeping a journal. Writing down your feelings and memories of your loved one can be comforting and helpful for seeing how your grief changes over a period of weeks and months.

Helping Others

• If you feel able to and wish to do so, reach out and let others know that you are available and can offer support.
• Ask your friends what might feel supportive to them.  Some people love to be asked how they are doing, while others want to bring it up on their own. Sometimes people don’t know what they need initially, so keep checking in.
• Listen. Simply acknowledging feelings is important. Allow room for people to have their feelings, even as you try to reassure them.
• Encourage others to give themselves time to heal, to mourn the losses and to be patient with changes in their emotional state.
• Respect the need for privacy. Some people may need a lot of time alone.
• Realize that recovering from a loss takes time and cannot be "fixed with a quick remedy." Sometimes your support will not be able to make someone feel better right away. So follow up frequently, which lets your friend know that you’re in for the long haul.

Signs That a Person Might Need Additional Support

If you or a friend has...

• Excessive class or work absences
• Been doing worse in class or not attending to daily job tasks
• Increased difficulty controlling or expressing emotions in healthy ways
• Moodiness or worry that interferes with normal functioning
• Sleeping and/or eating habits that change dramatically
• Unusual concern about personal health
• Persistent depression
• Felt suicidal
• Engaged in consistently risky behavior
• Done things to help a friend that result in consistently missing classes, work or other personal obligations

Ask yourself...

• Is this person’s behavior distressingly out of the ordinary?
• Is this beyond my skill level?
• Is the behavior getting worse?
• Does the behavior place anyone at risk?
• Am I feeling like I want to talk with someone about my observations and concerns?

If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, seek assistance and/or consult with the Counseling Center, your professor or adviser, or anyone else you trust.